I think I've snapped

"K-Roll-PorscheTamer" (k-roll390)
04/24/2016 at 15:08 • Filed to: Fin

I’m running low on options and reasons to stay alive. I refuse all help, I keep hurting everyone around me, everything feels too depressing. I’m running low on willpower; the only thing keeping me alive is my parents. Everything hurts. So what reasons have I got to keep living at this point. Call me selfish or whatever.

I just don’t care as much any more.

DISCUSSION (34)

Nibby > K-Roll-PorscheTamer
04/24/2016 at 15:12

Here’s a reason

Kinja'd!!!

If you want to talk to me shoot an email nibby4wd@gmail.com

Hotdogjudge > K-Roll-PorscheTamer
04/24/2016 at 15:14

Please don’t try to solve a temporary problem with a permanent solution.

K-Roll-PorscheTamer > Hotdogjudge
04/24/2016 at 15:15

This is not a temporary problem. It's permanent.

Sam > K-Roll-PorscheTamer
04/24/2016 at 15:19

Nope, it’s 100% temporary.

Dwhite - Powered by Caffeine, Daft Punk, and Corgis > K-Roll-PorscheTamer
04/24/2016 at 15:20

Karl you need to give yourself some more credit. You are actively refusing to see the person you really are and then act surprised when people say they enjoy your company. People enjoy being around you, I enjoy being around you.

Poache E (O)\===/(O) > K-Roll-PorscheTamer
04/24/2016 at 15:25

I thought my problems were permanent. I felt like I couldn’t keep going.

I was wrong and my life got better. A lot better. Yours will too. Chin up. Go for a run. Stop watching depressing tv - or reading depressing news.

Bridges burned can be rebuilt. Read this: http://mrsmindfulness.com/guest-house-po…

We love you, even if sometimes you’re not ready to love yourself.

Also: eat some of your favorite food. It’s a way of expressing self love. I sometimes treat myself to KFC when I’m down, because it reminds me of my mom and dad A Long Time Ago.

I’ve had to learn to be kind to myself. It was hard but useful. All will be ok :)

If you are truly feeling suicidal, call the Samaritans and find a therapist you like (likely not the first one that picks up the phone, I had to go through three to find one who could actually help)

Twingo Tamer - About to descend into project car hell. > K-Roll-PorscheTamer
04/24/2016 at 15:25

It isn’t brother. I’ve been to some dark fucking places and I’m here now and life is pretty good. You can fight through it.

Hey Julie > K-Roll-PorscheTamer
04/24/2016 at 15:25

Okay buddy, people are trying to help you, and you are irrationally refusing to listen and just saying the opposite of what these commenters have said, you are acknowledging the things you are doing wrong and not doing anything to change your behavior or attitude. The problems in your life are pretty irrelevant on the grand scale and I think you are purposely feeling bad because it’s easier to keep being depressed then it is to do something about it. I’m not trying to be an asshole or to tear you apart but I think you need some tough love. I don’t know a lot about your situation but If I remember right, you are a college student with a classic Porsche and The biggest problems in your life are social interaction and a shitty Mood. Be thankful for the awesome opportunities you have and don’t throw that shit away because you can’t man up and take life as it is. It’s just life everyone has to do it and it’s probably the only thing you’ll ever do so enjoy the bad parts because the bad parts are still life.

Hey Julie > K-Roll-PorscheTamer
04/24/2016 at 15:26

You have no way of knowing if it's permanent. It's really not, the one constant in life is change

K-Roll-PorscheTamer > Twingo Tamer - About to descend into project car hell.
04/24/2016 at 15:30

I cannot. I don't want to fight it. I just want everything or something, ONE THING, to go right for me for once. It's not gonna happen.

V12 Jake- Hittin' Switches > K-Roll-PorscheTamer
04/24/2016 at 15:33

Whatever you’re going through, it will come to pass. Unless you fucking killed someone or something bad like that, all things will come to pass. Whatever “short term solution” you’re thinking of, it’s not worth it.

EL_ULY > K-Roll-PorscheTamer
04/24/2016 at 15:35

Fuck that shit!

Milllions perhaps billions of people are in a significantly much more drastic situations than you homie. What you’re dealing with is 100% normal for all peeps your age and situation. We all went through it. There is nothing you can tell me that is bothering you that I can’t instantly think of an easy solution in half a second. I’m not going to try to cheer you up anymore. If your pissed off, take it out on me. I challenge you! Call me on my phone dude. I’m just here watching Indycar relaxing after my 8th brutal 6 day work week (7am to 7pm) busting ass for pennies. I’ll be waiting.

*T-rex roar from Jurassic Park* lol :]

Twingo Tamer - About to descend into project car hell. > K-Roll-PorscheTamer
04/24/2016 at 15:38

Plenty of things go right for you, you just have to learn to appreciate the everyday and not just look to your aspirations. Theres no shame in just getting by, some people don’t even have that. Wanting more is good, relying on more to be happy isn't...

Urambo Tauro > Nibby
04/24/2016 at 15:48

K-Roll is one of the very few people I’ve met who take such good care in keeping an old car like that in such lovely shape, (and driving it in a Michigan winter, no less!). That kind of dedication is rare, and boy does it pay off.

Karl, I don’t have your contact info, but I believe you have mine. If you want to talk, I’m not doing anything but putzing around in the garage today anyway.

Sneaky Pete > K-Roll-PorscheTamer
04/24/2016 at 15:52

Most people go through tough times. I know I certainly have...I went through some dark times roughly 15 years ago when my first (and really only true one) love broke up, I was living the stereotypical “starving student” life skipping eating some days because I didn’t have enough money to make it to my next shitty paycheck (despite having to take out student loans to be able to afford college), and was very near flunking out. I went through some very bad times...drinking myself to sleep with Popov Vodka, etc. I also had some very dark thoughas about my life.

Not trying to get into a dick measuring contest. Just here to tell you things get better if you grind through. For most people, life will never be the perfect fairy tale that hollywood tries to feed us. Life is full of ups and downs. The downs make the ups so much sweeter.

I can’t give any advice. I can’t tell you how you can get through it. But you will. You matter. Your story matters. You have a lifetime full of better times ahead of you. Tough it out and you’ll have the knowledge that nothing can stop you.

The Dummy Gummy > K-Roll-PorscheTamer
04/24/2016 at 15:56

+18002738255

Please call this number. Nothing is worth the ultimate price of your life.

You've hit rock bottom. Things will get better with time.

Old Red Wagon > K-Roll-PorscheTamer
04/24/2016 at 15:57

Cheer up my friend. Everyone in life goes through tough shit and coming out on top after getting through the fog is one of the most satisfying feelings. I’m going through a tough time in my life right now and am truly being tested. I’m in the “what do I do” stage and it’s tough. Offing yourself is never an answer and shouldn’t even be an option. Whether you choose to believe it or not there are people in your life that love you and would be destroyed if you do that. Just reading some of the comments here I can already see a few people that care for you. You are loved and you are special, never forget that.

Svart Smart, traded in his Smart > K-Roll-PorscheTamer
04/24/2016 at 16:02

Give yourself a few more decades and you can make something go right.

Alfalfa > K-Roll-PorscheTamer
04/24/2016 at 16:06

You’re not hurting people around you as much as you think you are, believe me. It can be hard to see sometimes, but people are trying to help because they care, and anyone with experience with depression knows it’s nothing personal when you refuse help and distance yourself.

Svend > K-Roll-PorscheTamer
04/24/2016 at 16:16

You’ve just got to keep fighting fella.

You’ve got to keep hoping that tomorrow will be a better day.

I’ve been in the same place as you since I was really young. I still have bad days, days were I just want to stop, sit on the floor and cry, days I want to go to sleep and not wake. It’ll sound stupid to most and probably is, but car cleaning is my way out, it’s a distraction and everything is in the back of my mind.

Is there anything you can do to occupy your mind or someone you can talk to?

Steve in Manhattan > K-Roll-PorscheTamer
04/24/2016 at 16:17

We’re all here for you.

2006: SigOther in Japan and I didn’t leave the apartment for 9 days. Business setbacks and financial problems made my life a shitshow. Thought about jumping, but we only lived on the 3rd floor then - I’d probably have just broken a bunch of bones. My medication wasn’t working, so I made a huge effort - go see my shrink and get different pills.

2009: had a panic attack in the Guggenheim. Ran out onto 5th Ave., SigOther chasing me, and got in a taxi and came home. It was safe.

Now: still not particularly fond of leaving the apartment, but I get out when necessary. It’s a big deal to go to a movie theater, but I managed it for SPECTRE and the 3rd Batman movie. And I saw Star Trek After Darkness BY MYSELF.

The residual things: I never had a fear of heights, but now I do, post 2006. Also, I can’t walk under those giant cranes anymore. And I very nearly had a panic attack in a Home Depot in MD last month. I started looking at a big grill, and it passed.

The point is, there are lots of pills, and if one doesn’t work, you try another. And you’re talking about it. That’s step one.

Hey Julie > EL_ULY
04/24/2016 at 16:22

yes preach the tough love

Funktheduck > K-Roll-PorscheTamer
04/24/2016 at 16:39

Since people have already said what I planned on saying I’ll keep it short:

Man up and get Professional help. I capitalized the p on purpose. I’ve known 3 people who’ve killed themselves and it sucks. It destroyed their families and lives around them.

You have near complete strangers on the internet reaching out to you to show you they care. They’ve given you advice.

Right now you’ve got things going on that just having a chat or making yourself see things differently won’t solve all your problems. You need to see a professional. This goes beyond love. Beyond tough love. Only you can make that step to get help. It’s hard. It feels like this is all there is but there is so much more good in life.

I don’t pretend to know everything going on in your life but I do know if I can go through what I went through when I was younger and come out on top, you can too.

GET. PROFESSIONAL. HELP.

Demon-Xanth knows how to operate a street. > K-Roll-PorscheTamer
04/24/2016 at 17:10

I was suicidal for about two decades. There’s something missing in your life and you just don’t know what it is yet. When you find it, things will get better.

Nibby > Demon-Xanth knows how to operate a street.
04/24/2016 at 19:00

At last we have finally found each other...

John Norris (AngryDrifter) > K-Roll-PorscheTamer
04/24/2016 at 19:49

You’re not done. There are 944's remaining to be saved.

http://www.ebay.com/itm/Porsche-94…

Stef Schrader > K-Roll-PorscheTamer
04/24/2016 at 20:41

Oh, no you don’t. I’d miss the 944 chronicles, your overall sense of enthusiasm and love of all things winning, er, uh, Porsche.

You are a good dude. I know you don’t believe that right now—I had bad depression in college, and know how tempting it is to make reckless decisions—but hang in there.

Hopefully you’re talking to someone, yes? You mention your parents, but maybe you should try someone outside of the family. I’ll leave these here and here —I know similar resources helped me get through things in the past. A few folks mentioned professionals, and that’s really your best bet for figuring out how to handle this long-term. For now, give one of those hotlines a call. Vent. Get it off your chest and make a plan on how to deal with it.

Or maybe try a friend? I know friends tend to be bungholes sometimes, but most people tend to knock it off and listen on stuff like this. Just telling someone what I felt made a world of difference.

Maybe use the opportunity to get out of the house and do something you enjoy. Break up the monotony.

You can do this, and you know where to find me if you just need to vent.

Stef Schrader > Twingo Tamer - About to descend into project car hell.
04/24/2016 at 21:15

Same. Things do get better, believe it or not. You’re smart. You’ve got taste. You’ve got great things ahead, I know.

I had really bad depression in college. Really, really bad—to the point of hoping I don’t wake up again. College sucks hard.

Stef Schrader > John Norris (AngryDrifter)
04/24/2016 at 21:23

Haha, yaaaaasssssss.

And dagnabbit, you need to throw one on a racetrack!

Twingo Tamer - About to descend into project car hell. > Stef Schrader
04/25/2016 at 03:50

This is the thing, so many people are hit by depression during their lifetime and everyone manages it in their own way. I sook out help, a friend I didnt even know had depression until he went missing one day, the police found him catatonic a few miles down the road. He got past that though as so many do. Theres so much life to live after handling depression.

Hamtractor > K-Roll-PorscheTamer
04/25/2016 at 12:44

Good luck, and keep fighting Brohammer!

I spent the first twenty five years of my life in that same dark, lonely, crushing place you are in right now. I still find myself pulled back there once in a while. I promise you, that if you keep fighting, it WILL get better someday. I can’t promise it will ever be easy, nor that it will be great. Life does find a way to be worth living, if not outright kick-ass. I used to look at the world around me and feel like I would never have the peace and happiness I saw everybody else enjoying. Turns out, EVERYBODY suffers from the Darkness in their own ways. Talk to somebody professional, take advantage of those here who reach out to you, and remember that even at your lowest point, there are truly people who believe you matter. And, while not always a popular stance, I believe that a relationship with God is the best place to start climbing out of any personal hell...

InfinityAero > K-Roll-PorscheTamer
04/25/2016 at 13:44

Been there, man. For me it came down to having some issues from my childhood I needed to come to terms with and address with a professional as an adult. YMMV.

Life is rough, couple that with the confusion and frustration of growing up, becoming independent, and saying goodbye to all the social support structures you have as a kid/teen and a ton of people feel like they’re alone on an island. You’re not! Having come from the same perspective when I was 20-26, I get it. I’m eternally grateful I made it through those years... you will too!

It starts with a desire to feel better, commitment to being introspective and honest with yourself about the root causes, and making a concerted effort to change the lens through which you see the world. Use every resource at your disposal and try to see the world in a new way every day.

davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com > K-Roll-PorscheTamer
04/26/2016 at 13:43

Hope you’re okay, K-Roll.

Spridget > K-Roll-PorscheTamer
05/07/2016 at 15:35

Well, what are your reasons for your problems? If you can find a root source, then I suspect the problem can be solved. My root source was that everyone around, namely my so called “friends” were douchebags who brought down my self esteem. That bridge has been burnt. Email me at spridget1@gmail.com if you want.